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Of course, everyone will react differently to a disinterested gift and is responsible for their own feelings some will accept it with simplicity where others will feel distrustful or unworthy of the gift. Nevertheless, a caregiver must be aware that this context of donation can further reinforce the difficulty of some people to assert their needs.
The limits expressed by the mind
In the field of personal development, many people (myself included) give sometimes too excessive pre-eminence to the feelings of the body compared to the signals of the mind.
For example, a person expresses during the prior verbal interview that he is not sure that he is comfortable with the idea that his pubic area is approached. However, during massage, the sexual energy awakens strongly, the body therefore sending apparently contradictory signals to those initially emitted by the mind. It would however be a mistake to start too quickly from the premise that the last signals must prevail because being emitted by the body in the present moment.
The protective role of the mind
It is sometimes possible that a limit set before the session is purely mental, or a simple projection that might not or no longer correspond to the feeling of the body in the present moment. But it may also be that this limit of the mind has a real protective role in order to protect the person against experiences for which he is not ready.
Sometimes bodily experience allows the mind to soften and instantly revise its beliefs or fears by confronting them with the reality of feelings. But, in other cases, the massage can also have the consequence of causing the mental defenses to lower their guard momentarily when, fundamentally, these reticences of the mind continue to exist and resurface a few hours or days after the massage. However, even if the body has lived the experience well, it is a mistake not to take enough account of the head which, for its part, may have experienced it less well, which can be just as traumatic.
Dissociation
It is the mechanism of dissociation: a part of the body lives and experiences the experience in a certain way, while another part experiences it quite differently. The whole objective of Tantra is to become aware of this dissociation and, by listening to the benevolent message that each part comes to deliver us, to succeed in unifying them.
But as long as this unification is not yet achieved, it might be desirable in a precautionary principle to base the massage on “the most reluctant part” of the person whether it is the head, the heart or the sex, and to start from the postulate that it will remain unchanged for the whole session and not touch the frame.
And too bad if this frame becomes too narrow during massage. If necessary, it can be updated in future sessions, but it is more important that the person feels heard and respected within their limits and that a solid relationship of trust is built, which goes, among other things, by ensuring that the frame will be well kept.
In conclusion
By humbly questioning their practice, each accompanying person will be able to become more and more aware of these distortions of perception between men and women and offer the most favorable framework for their emancipation during a tantric massage.
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